


the nohr are lizard people, or: takumi did nothing wrong

by WhisperingOrchard



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, M/M, Memes, do not take this seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-06-03 00:04:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6588733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhisperingOrchard/pseuds/WhisperingOrchard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leave it to a Nohr to ruin his day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the nohr are lizard people, or: takumi did nothing wrong

**Author's Note:**

> I had writer's block for my other, more serious fic, so I decided to let out some writing steam in the form of this.

Leave it to a Nohr to ruin his day. 

Not that Takumi is at all unfamiliar with the idea; to be completely honest, Leo ruins the vast _majority_ of his days, when push comes to shove. If it isn’t his haughty attitude or his flagrant distaste for Takumi’s family name, then it’s the slightest cock of his eyebrow, or the manner in which he gnaws on his lower lip when hiding a smirk, or the notion of those same glistening teeth working hungrily at his own l--

\--Fuck. 

With a deepening scowl, Takumi snatches a notebook off of Leo’s desk and sticks his tongue out at his rival. He’d heard his brother and sister complain about the rival family’s siblings an indiscernible number of times, and yet, until now, he has never really appreciated their seemingly-petty qualms. Now, though, after spending many a-weeks’ time stuck in class with this dweeby blond, it’s becoming increasingly evident that Ryoma and Hinoka were not exaggerating. In fact, he’d wager that this scum of the Earth is even worse than Salamander or Chameleon or whatever the older two are named (seriously, he thinks--are the Nohr parents really that infatuated with lizards? Were they, themselves, lizard people? It’s absolutely preposterous, but at this point, with their oddities? He’d believe anything).

And Takumi most certainly does _not_ have a crush on him. Not so much as an inkling of attraction to his honey-smooth voice, or his alluring eyes, or his air of intelligence.

Don’t even _flatter_ the thought.

No, really. You stop that.

Takumi groans and slides into his own desk behind Leo (and really, who thought assigned seating was a good idea, anyway? … Probably a Nohr. Scratch that. _Definitely_ a Nohr). As his backpack strap slinks downward from his shoulders, Takumi finds his glare fixating on Leo’s back in front of him. There are times when he forgets just how slender Leo really is; he can’t imagine there’s much muscle under that dress shirt. He’s probably all skin and bones--nothing at all like himself, in that regard; years of archery practice will do that to a guy. Thank the gods that he knows better than to skip leg day. At least he knows that’s _one_ area he’ll have the upper hand in.

… Does Leo have nice legs, then, if not an upper body? Trimmed legs, firm calves, shapely ankles, sexy knees, god _damn_ his weird fucking _knee kink_ \--Takumi hurriedly glances downward, willing away the warmth pooling in his face. He hates Leo. He _hates_ him. He also hates that Leo never wears shorts, but more than anything, he _hates_ Leo.

Up at the front of the room, Mr. Yukimura begins his lecture, grabbing a piece of chalk and scribbling down a few reminders on the board. Takumi welcomes the distraction--history is his favorite class, after all, and it eases his boiling hatred and heated desire (shut up), if even only a little.

“Can anyone tell me the date in which Bostwana gained its independence? Takumi?”

Takumi’s lips part to speak, but as his voice rises up from his throat, Leo answers the question in his stead. “1966.”

_Oh_ , that smug son of a bitch, with his silly headband, and his holier-than-thou tone, and what Takumi wouldn’t give to hear that voice _scream his name, “ahh,_ Takumi-- _”_.

Why in the hell is he so _horny_ today? Fanfiction protagonist or not, he really has no excuse, and it disgusts him to no end. He knows, deep down, he was never meant to be _this_ tsundere, but woe is the life of a character in an alternate universe timeline.

Eyeing the back of his rival’s neck one last time, Takumi peers down at the notebook he had taken from Leo--actually, technically speaking, this is Takumi’s notebook, not Leo’s, but the Nohr filth had decided it would be _hilarious_ to steal it from his bag yesterday. Whether he meant it teasingly or not, Takumi is having none of that shit. Leo could bat his lashes or flirt with him all he wants; nothing can sway Takumi when it comes to violating his personal property.

Shaking his head at the ridiculous circumstances of his life, Takumi slides his finger ‘neath a page and delicately opens the notebook.

The sight that greets him, however, is the last straw.

Firmly pursing his lips, Takumi jolts upward in his seat, knocking over his chair in the process; behind him, Odin is caught by complete surprise by the sudden motion and jolts backwards as well. The Hoshido son frowns deeply, grabbing the notebook and holding it skyward, as if summoning a power from the heavens, or posing on the cover of an undisclosed space opera movie poster from the 70s (no, not _that_ one--after all, the author already referenced the owner of said franchise in that _other_ fic, and she isn’t taking any chances). Eyes ablaze, Takumi waves his arm a few times and, at last, catches the attention of his history teacher.

That Nohr scum is dead meat.

“ _He ruined my dream journal!_ ”

Prompted by the words “dream journal”, a meteor struck the Earth in that moment, ending all life as we know it. Because a world of memes, crack, and writer’s block doesn’t deserve to exist any longer than however long it takes to read 1000 words.


End file.
